Letter of application - Help!

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Letter of application - Help!
Posted on: 11.08.2011 by Matt Kane
yo guys! i
Matt Kane
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by photojojo
Wait, do they have Panda's in Colorado??????
dayum photo! too late. already sent let
Celestine Porebski
10.08.2011		Viel Gl
Alexandra Nerby
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by earl panda
die jungs und m
Matt Kane
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by photojojo
Wait, do they have Panda's in Colorado??????
dayum photo! too late. already sent let
Leeanna Ayla
10.08.2011		My version

Originally Posted by earl panda
so after some good help i believe i can work with this:

"Letter of application as a content merchandiser


Dear Beatport team,

I have read on your site that you are offering a position as a content merchandiser. I am very interested in this position and feel that I will excede your expectations as well as fulfill my own.

My training contract with my former employer ended on July 5, 2011 (07/05/2011) and I am currently looking for new oppurtunities. During my apprenticeship I had the opportunity to work with (confront can carry negative connotations) many salespeople with diligence and zeal, furthering my skills and capabilities. My duties included, among other things, recieving goods, editing the inventory management system, acting as a branch representative, contacting traders, sales and consulting. I have also been a digital DJ for several years and i am passionate about electronic music, ranging from house, techno and dubstep to drum and bass.

I would like to meet with you in person to convince you of my strengths and desires to be a part of your team. I look forward to hearing back from you and possibly discussing the opportunity for us to visit in person.



Sincerely,

Georg Graf


Enclosures:

curiculum vitae
diploma
job reference
KMK foreign language certificate"
Alexandra Nerby
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by earl panda
so after some good help i believe i can work with this:

"Letter of application as a content merchandiser


Dear Beatport team,

I have read on your site that you are offering a position as a contend merchandiser. I am interested in this position, as I believe it will meet my expectations.

My training contract with my former employer ended on July 5 2011 (07/05/2011) and I am looking for new tasks. During my apprenticeship I had the opportunity to confront many salespeople with diligence and zeal, furthering my skills and capabilities. My duties included, inter alia, to receive goods, editing the inventory management system, to act as a branch representative, contact traders, sales and consulting. I have also been a digital DJ for several years and i am passionate about electronic music, ranging from house, techno and dubstep to drum and bass.

I would like to meet you in person to convince you of my strengths. I would feel very special if you also agree and would send me an invitation.

I would love to be able to take employment as soon as possible.


Sincerely,

Georg Graf


Enclosures:

curiculum vitae
diploma
job reference
KMK foreign language certificate"
Don't forget to capitalize the "I" in the last sentence of the second paragraph. Also, this sentence "I would feel very special if you also agree and would send me an invitation," I feel could be made a little better.

Maybe - "I would like to meet you in person to convince you of my strengths, and an invitation to your establishment (or maybe place of work) would certainly give the the chance (or opportunity) to do that.
Celestine Porebski
10.08.2011		Viel Gl
Alexandra Nerby
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by earl panda
die jungs und m
Matt Kane
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by Gryz
Viel Gl
Matt Kane
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by tekki
"...I am interested in this position, as I believe it will meet my expectations." Would be my choice of words.
brilliant!
Alexandra Nerby
10.08.2011		Viel Gl
Matt Kane
11.08.2011		yo guys! i
Maryanne Weatherill
12.08.2011		Just saw this now. Seems good.

Good luck Mr Panda.
Maisie Marras
10.08.2011		good luck
Matt Kane
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by photojojo
Wait, do they have Panda's in Colorado??????
dayum photo! too late. already sent let
Leeanna Ayla
10.08.2011		Wait, do they have Panda's in Colorado??????
Matt Kane
10.08.2011		sick! so much help! thank you all a lot!!!!!!!!!
Leeanna Ayla
10.08.2011		My version

Originally Posted by earl panda
so after some good help i believe i can work with this:

"Letter of application as a content merchandiser


Dear Beatport team,

I have read on your site that you are offering a position as a content merchandiser. I am very interested in this position and feel that I will excede your expectations as well as fulfill my own.

My training contract with my former employer ended on July 5, 2011 (07/05/2011) and I am currently looking for new oppurtunities. During my apprenticeship I had the opportunity to work with (confront can carry negative connotations) many salespeople with diligence and zeal, furthering my skills and capabilities. My duties included, among other things, recieving goods, editing the inventory management system, acting as a branch representative, contacting traders, sales and consulting. I have also been a digital DJ for several years and i am passionate about electronic music, ranging from house, techno and dubstep to drum and bass.

I would like to meet with you in person to convince you of my strengths and desires to be a part of your team. I look forward to hearing back from you and possibly discussing the opportunity for us to visit in person.



Sincerely,

Georg Graf


Enclosures:

curiculum vitae
diploma
job reference
KMK foreign language certificate"
Alexandra Nerby
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by earl panda
so after some good help i believe i can work with this:

"Letter of application as a content merchandiser


Dear Beatport team,

I have read on your site that you are offering a position as a contend merchandiser. I am interested in this position, as I believe it will meet my expectations.

My training contract with my former employer ended on July 5 2011 (07/05/2011) and I am looking for new tasks. During my apprenticeship I had the opportunity to confront many salespeople with diligence and zeal, furthering my skills and capabilities. My duties included, inter alia, to receive goods, editing the inventory management system, to act as a branch representative, contact traders, sales and consulting. I have also been a digital DJ for several years and i am passionate about electronic music, ranging from house, techno and dubstep to drum and bass.

I would like to meet you in person to convince you of my strengths. I would feel very special if you also agree and would send me an invitation.

I would love to be able to take employment as soon as possible.


Sincerely,

Georg Graf


Enclosures:

curiculum vitae
diploma
job reference
KMK foreign language certificate"
Don't forget to capitalize the "I" in the last sentence of the second paragraph. Also, this sentence "I would feel very special if you also agree and would send me an invitation," I feel could be made a little better.

Maybe - "I would like to meet you in person to convince you of my strengths, and an invitation to your establishment (or maybe place of work) would certainly give the the chance (or opportunity) to do that.
Celestine Porebski
10.08.2011		Viel Gl
Alexandra Nerby
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by earl panda
die jungs und m
Maisie Marras
10.08.2011		i believe thats good
you just misspelled content at the start of it.

maybe wait for a second opinion too, unless this is time sensitive
Matt Kane
10.08.2011		so after some good help i believe i can work with this:

"Letter of application as a content merchandiser


Dear Beatport team,

I have read on your site that you are offering a position as a contend merchandiser. I am interested in this position, as I believe it will meet my expectations.

My training contract with my former employer ended on July 5 2011 (07/05/2011) and I am looking for new tasks. During my apprenticeship I had the opportunity to confront many salespeople with diligence and zeal, furthering my skills and capabilities. My duties included, inter alia, to receive goods, editing the inventory management system, to act as a branch representative, contact traders, sales and consulting. I have also been a digital DJ for several years and i am passionate about electronic music, ranging from house, techno and dubstep to drum and bass.

I would like to meet you in person to convince you of my strengths. I would feel very special if you also agree and would send me an invitation.

I would love to be able to take employment as soon as possible.


Sincerely,

Georg Graf


Enclosures:

curiculum vitae
diploma
job reference
KMK foreign language certificate"
Maisie Marras
10.08.2011		*edited
Matt Kane
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by Gryz
Viel Gl
Matt Kane
10.08.2011
Originally Posted by tekki
"...I am interested in this position, as I believe it will meet my expectations." Would be my choice of words.
brilliant!
Alexandra Nerby
10.08.2011		Viel Gl
Random X
10.08.2011		"...I am interested in this position, as I believe it will meet my expectations." Would be my choice of words.
Matt Kane
10.08.2011		would this make any sence to you?

"...I am interested in filling this position because this oppurtunity seems to deliver all my expectations."
Matt Kane
10.08.2011		that was more than just helpful! thank you
Maisie Marras
10.08.2011		i changed / re worded a lot of it. maybe someone can do a second pass on it because there were a couple of issues i found. look for stuff in brackets.

Dear Beatport team,

I have read on your site that you are offering a position as a merchandiser of free content. I am interested in filling this position because [it fulfills my expectations].

My training contract with my former employer ended on July 5 2011 (07/05/2011) and I am looking for new tasks. During my apprenticeship I had the opportunity to confront many salespeople with diligence and zeal, furthering my skills and capabilities. My duties included, inter alia, to receive goods, editing the inventory management system, to act as a branch representative, contact traders, sales and consulting. I have also been a digital DJ for several years and i am passionate about electronic music, ranging from house, techno and dubstep to drum and bass.

I would like to meet you in person to convince you of my strengths. I would feel very special if you also agree and would send me an invitation.

I would love to be able to take [?] employment as soon as possible.
Sincerely,....

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